Questions and Answers to Delicate Wedding Invitation Questions
Q. I know that etiquette frowns on adding the phrase "Black tie" to wedding invitations, but I'm afraid some of my guests won't know the proper attire for my evening wedding. What can I do?
A. While it's true that guests should use the time of day to determine your wedding's formality, most people today aren't aware of that guideline. If you feel it's necessary to address the attire issue, simply add "Black tie" in a footnote to the lower left-hand corner of your reception cards. If you are not using reception cards, the footnote may be discreetly added to the lower left corner, lower right corner or bottom center of your invitation. The same is true for "White tie," which is even more formal and requires long, formal gowns for women and white tie formal wear for men.
Q.Is it ever proper to enclose bridal registry information with wedding invitations?
A. No. Including the specifics of your registry with the invitation would be nothing short of asking for a gift. It's best to have your parents spread the word, or to include store information in a shower invitation.
Q. My fiance wants to include his deceased father's name on our invitation. Is that acceptable?
A. It's a thoughtful gesture, but the invitational line should reflect the actual hosts of the wedding. Instead, remember him with a special memorial candle at the ceremony and include his name in the newspaper announcement of your marriage.
Q. My parents are legally separated, but not yet divorced. How should our invitations be worded?
A. Since they will not be divorced when your invitations are mailed, your parents may issue the invitation under the title of "Mr. and Mrs." if that feels comfortable for both of them. If not, place their names on separate lines, with your mother's name first. In that case, do not use the word "and" to join their names.
Q. I know that our invitations must include our formal names and no nicknames, but what about initials?
A. Initials are never used on formal invitations. If you prefer not to include a middle name, simply omit it altogether.
Q. We've decided to make our reception an "adults only" event. Is there a polite way to say that on our invitations?
A. Never include phrases such as "no children" or "adults only" on a formal invitation. Instead, have your parents and other family members spread the word ahead of time that you don't plan to include children in the celebration.
Q. I'm confused about how to punctuate our wedding invitations properly.
A. A comma will be used in the date line and before the word "junior," and the usual punctuation will be included with the titles "Mr." and "Mrs." Otherwise, no punctuation should appear on the invitation.
Q. How should an invitation to a noon wedding read?
A. You may simply say "at twelve o'clock," or "at twelve o'clock in the afternoon" if you feel it needs clarification.
Q. Will I be able to approve the typeset wording of my wedding invitation before it is printed? Is it customary to see a final proof?
A. A proof, often faxed, will give you peace of mind when you need it most. There may be a small charge involved, but it is the best option to make sure your invitation is letter-perfect. It's also a good idea to let both sets of parents review the proof in case one person overlooks a spelling error.
Q. None of the typical wording examples seem to apply to our particular situation. Is it acceptable to create our own wording?
A. Of course you are not bound by these choices. Used by generations of brides, these wording examples are just etiquette's way of dealing with a variety of family situations in the most tasteful way possible. If you do decide to write the wording for your own invitation, simply use your best judgment, keeping the format simple and tasteful.
Q. Is it ever appropriate to send an invitation with a tear-off at the bottom, in lieu of a response card?
A. No, although this style of invitation does exist, it is not a formal option and will cheapen the impression you've worked so hard to create.
Q. My fiance is not called by his given name but instead is known to his friends and family by a nickname. Is it appropriate to include that on our invitations?
A. No, your wedding invitations must include your formal names. Save the use of his nickname for a less formal pre-wedding party invitation.
Q. How should we handle the word "doctor" on our wedding invitations?
A. A medical doctor's professional title may be used on wedding invitations, but a Ph.D.'s should not. If the bride's mother is a medical doctor, she typically uses her social title (Mrs. Robert John Williams) but may use her professional title if she chooses. If she uses her professional title, her name should appear first on one line, followed by her husband's name on the next line. If they are married, the word "and" is written between their names. If they are divorced, the word "and" is not used.
If both parents are doctors, the wording is "Doctor and Mrs. Robert John Williams" or "Doctor Linda Williams" and "Doctor Robert John Williams." If the bride is a doctor, she can choose to use her professional title or simply her social title. For example, Doctor Sarah Anne Williams to Mr. Brian Daniel Miller.
Q. When is it necessary for numbers to be spelled out on the invitation?
A. Date numbers are always spelled out, while longer numbers that are included in an address may be written using numerals.
Q. Is there special wording for a military wedding invitation?
A. Add "Captain" or other rank before the groom's name and his branch of service beneath his name; likewise for the bride.
Q. My fiance is a "junior" but we are not sure how to handle this on our wedding invitations. Is the word always abbreviated?
A. The word "junior" is most commonly written out on wedding invitations, but it may be abbreviated if your names are lengthy and you are short on space. If you abbreviate, begin with an uppercase "J," but if you write out the word "junior," it should begin with a lowercase letter. In either case, it should be preceded by a comma, as in the following examples:
Brian Daniel Miller, junior
Brian Daniel Miller, Jr.
There are thousands more questions about your wedding and your wedding invitations. But this guide should make managing those delicate situations a little easier and help you to focus on the most important part of your day...you and your new husband.
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