Fans of "The Office" got to watch Pam and Jim have two marriage ceremonies: the "official" one for family and friends, which was preceded by a secret one for just the two of them. Secret wedding ceremonies are not just for television characters; this is something that people actually do in real life. This is what you should know about secret wedding ceremonies, from the why to the when to the how.
Let's start with the reason why an engaged couple might decide to have a secret wedding ceremony. The most common one is for the same reasons why Pam and Jim had their private vows on "The Office": you feel as though the wedding day is becoming all about everyone else. So many couples get roped into having the wedding of someone else's dreams that it increasingly feels like the real reason for the entire day gets lost in the hoopla. Having a private ceremony with just the two of you can be a way to recapture the idea that the whole point of having a wedding is to celebrate the love of the bride and groom as they pledge to spend their lives together.
It is also the case that some couples may have secret ceremonies for practical reasons. Perhaps one of you lost a job and is suddenly without health insurance. A quick marriage to get the person onto their spouse's insurance plan might be in order. This often occurs when the couple is already engaged and in the process of planning a big wedding for all of their family and friends. The quick trip to city hall to make it official for legal purposes can still be followed by the original celebration that was planned.
When having a private exchange of vows, there are several key things to keep in mind. The most important one is that if you truly intend to keep it a secret and let everyone assume that they are watching you tie the knot at the big wedding, the secret must be held very closely. The reality is that "the bride and groom are already married" is way too big a secret for anyone to keep, so your best bet is to share the news with no one. Imagine how offended your immediate family would be to learn that you got married without telling them or inviting them. And think about how cheated many guests will feel about watching a marriage ceremony that is just for show. This is why a couple who chooses to have a secret ceremony should keep it between themselves.
Of course, a private marriage ceremony is a monumental occasion, even when you plan to follow it with a large public wedding. It will likely be low-key, but you should still make the effort to make the event special. The bride should wear a pretty dress along with some delicate handcrafted bridal jewelry. The dress worn to the secret vow exchange will likely be much less formal than the main wedding gown, perhaps simply a lovely day dress in your favorite color. If the handcrafted bridal jewelry you have chosen to wear on the official wedding day works with your more simple dress, by all means wear it, or opt for a different set if it is too opulent for the occasion. Certainly the bride should have a bouquet, and it would be nice to hold your ceremony in a location that is beautiful and meaningful to you, whether that is overlooking a gorgeous lake or right in your own living room.
A pre-wedding marriage ceremony is a big secret to keep, but in some cases, it is the perfect way for the bride and groom to have a quiet moment to reflect on the start of the marriage with all that it entails. When the wedding ceremony is secret, it can be all about the love shared by the bride and groom, without any focus being pulled away from the deeper meaning of the occasion. Most couples who have had secret vows before the official wedding have also found that they were able to relax and enjoy the big wedding in a way that they had never expected.
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