How To Give A Funny Wedding Speech

Public speaking isn't easy for a lot of people. Public speaking at your own wedding? That is, for a number of people, the absolute worst experience possible. You have to stand up and make statements that people will remember in association with this most important occasion in your life, without giving undue offense to anyone.

First and foremost, remember the cardinal rules of public speaking: Tell the audience what you're going to go over, go over it, and tell them what you just went over. In particular, keep the tone light, and keep an air of levity in your presentation. Make them laugh. Make them grin. Make them smile.

First of all, if you're the groom, thank everyone who helped you with the wedding. Sometimes, being the groom at a wedding is sort of like being the prize steer at a stock show. The wedding planner coordinates everything, your bride-to-be is stressing out over all the details, and all you have to do is wear a tuxedo, hand her the ring and not screw up.

So, by all means, praise your bride. Praise the bridesmaids. Praise your bride's family, and thank them for raising the wonderful woman you're spending the rest of your life with. Then, praise the friends in the wedding party, who all tried to talk you out of this, and then wouldn't let you back out at the last minute. Praise your best man, and explain that the original duties of the best man were to fight off the brides brothers and cousins while the groom had time to escape with her through a window for a massive elopement.

Do take the time to point out your single friends in the audience. They'll appreciate it later, when they get singled out by the members of the wedding party trying to set them up. Do take the time to thank your parents for helping finance the ceremony.

And then, you need to propose a toast. Now, you've proposed a toast to your wife, your future in-laws, and your parents, so the bounds of duty have been met. The final closing toast is traditionally meant to be funny, but be aware of the tastes of the wedding party. Something that's funny to a person in their 20s may be downright offensive to their grandparents, and you don't want to go down as being the man who offended everyone. Here are some classics:

"Here's to our wives and our loves. May they never meet."

"I've put this date in my calendar. The best way to remember a wedding anniversary is to forget it once."

"Marriage is the union where man and woman become one. The trouble comes in when they try to decide which one."

If you're the best man, you have the best gig at the wedding. You get to tell stories about "Remember when..." and embarrass the groom. Be sure to bring up anecdotes about knowing them from high school, or knowing them from junior high school. In particular, praise the bride-to-be to the high heavens, then ask her if she's taken leave of her senses for marrying your friend. She'll laugh, everyone else will laugh, and the party can begin.