We can't go anywhere in modern society without hearing someone talking on their cell phone, quite often at deafening levels. Here are a few places that cell phones are not welcome...at all!
Movies: If you think there are people who get upset over phone conversations in church, just get chatty in a movie theater. Those people have paid upwards of $10 for their tickets and don't want to hear someone commiserating with their sister over yet another break-up or a detailed discussion on the topic of Grandpa's kidneys. If the conversation lasts very long at all, the hostile glares will turn to verbal abuse in no time. Once again, these people have been instructed to turn the pagers and cell phones off, but they are clearly too important to be incommunicado for two entire hours!
Plays and other live entertainment: The people attending a play or orchestral concert have spent a great deal more than $10 for their tickets. This being a more refined crowd, they will more than likely refrain from the aforementioned verbal abuse. They'll just notify the usher and the offending party will be escorted from the theater. That sounds like fun. "Sir/Madam, will you come with me, please?"
Weddings: Here's an important one. There is one person at any wedding who will gladly and happily wring someone's neck if they begin a conversation on her special day. You guessed it, the bride. She has spent the last six to eight months of her life planning every aspect of her wedding down to the last detail. All eyes are to be on her as she makes her entrance, floating along on the arm of her shell-shocked father. If one's phone should choose that moment (or any of the following emotionally charged moments) to ring out with R-E-S-P-E-C-T, we could only hope that the offending phone would be swiftly and summarily deprived of its battery. However, if that someone has the temerity to answer the call, it matters not that they paid for the bridal couple's wedding trip to Arruba, they are instantly persona non grata.
Funerals: If a wedding is a bad place to have a cell phone chat, a funeral is off the chart. In fact, it's unthinkable to even bring your cell phone in. What if something went wrong with the "silence" feature? Unless it's somehow a call from beyond the grave, there is never an appropriate time to actually answer a cell phone call at a memorial service or funeral. Surely that's so obvious it's not necessary to comment on it, but there are some amazingly insensitive people. It's not beyond the realm of possibility that someone would think themselves so very important that they simply must be reachable at ALL times. I maintain that, if you're that indispensable, don't go to funerals.
Churches: Most churches, somewhere in their bulletin or preservice announcements, instruct those gathered to turn off their pagers and cell phones. Why is it that there are always a few people in the congregation that don't think that applies to them? And it's always the person with the jazziest ring; La Cucaracha, Macho Man, that Nanny-Nanny-Boo-Boo sound or, for the Beatles lover among us, Yellow Submarine. I once heard of a minister who stopped the sermon when he heard a cell phone ring and waited until the person's conversation was finished to resume. I'm guessing he wasn't interrupted too often.
Hospitals: Although you see cell phone usage any time you enter a hospital, hospital personnel really do ask you to refrain. It can interfere with some their high tech equipment. If your sainted mother were having arthroscopic surgery, you certainly wouldn't want some knucklehead's cell phone to scramble the signals, bringing in Scooby Doo on the TV-type monitors in the operating room. And there's always the possibility that your conversation could be picked up somehow and broadcast over the intercom in the hospital cafeteria.
There are, of course, a number of other places where cell phones and conversations upon them are not at all a good idea. For instance, it's probably bad timing to get in a loud argument with your ex-wife while you're out on a date. It could be taken amiss if you place or receive a business call while your wife is about to give birth. And making lunch plans with a girlfriend could be disconcerting to someone who's down on bended knee, popping the question. You get the idea. Cell phones are a wonderful tool and can be real life savers in certain circumstances. But there is a time and place for everything and the places listed above are NOT places where cell phones should be used. If you're interested in winning friends and influencing people, learn to turn it off!
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